Let's Get Honest

It's hard to believe my last post on this thing was in April. I always think that I'm one day going to be consistent. Believe it or not I write posts all the time, but I chicken out before I post them. Here's a little update. This Georgia girl has been in Texas all summer! I've been here a little over a month serving on a team that goes around doing revivals in churches that are in desperate need of a fresh breath of the Spirit of God. Y'all let me just tell you it has blessed my soul in ways I could not have imagined. It has also challenged me (hence the reasoning behind this post). In the last week really things have taken a turn. My team experienced some difficulties with our team leader leaving and then wanting to come back and it has taken everything within me to put it behind me and not let it consume me as I do ministry this week, but let me get real with you now, today it consumed me. It consumed me in every way possible. It consumed my attitude, it consumed my thoughts, it consumed my heart. I could not even talk to my sweet Mama about anything else. Y'all I could not shake it. It consumed every relationship that I interacted with today and I am ashamed to say it brought tension to more than one of those. In this struggle today I learned... 

I Am Prideful! 

I'm absolutely embarrassed to admit that. I never thought I was before today. Mostly because I am so critical of myself. I do not let myself get away with anything. Chances are that if I hurt or offend you, I am more hurt and upset by it than you are. I am aware of every single flaw I have. That's why I honestly never thought pride would be a struggle, but somewhere along the way I quit striving to be like Christ in my Christian walk and started striving to just be better than everyone else. That's probably the most honest thing I've ever said on this blog and I'll be shocked if I actually post this, because that would mean letting the world know that I don't have it all together, That would be letting the world know that I am not perfect. I'm not naive y'all. I know that anyone who has ever met me knows that I'm not perfect, but I have found rest in the fact that most people think I'm pretty good. That's sick I know. I get proud because in my own strength I've managed pretty good? Well today I'm saying that I am not perfect. I am messed up. I am a liar, I am a gossip, I am prideful, I am jealous, I am so many filthy, sinful things. But today I am also learning how sweet the grace of my Savior is. I once was told that grace was like getting chocolate cake instead of a much deserved tail-whippin from your parents. And let me tell you that grace cake- it is good stuff. Today I was a mess. Today I hurt people and put myself up on a pedestal when I should of been laying my life down on the Lord's alter of grace. 

"In Him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us"

Ephesians 1: 7-8

 As painful as all of the things that have happened in these last few days have been, I have learned that if I rely on the Lord's strength, he will do so much better than pretty good. I have also learned that the glory is not mine. I deserve the worst things life has to offer, yet he continually pours out to me the best things. He deserves all the praise. He deserves all the glory. I have to trust him in everything. I have to cling to his grace everyday, but know that I cannot earn it, it comes through his goodness. In this I learn how to forgive. In this I learn humility. In this I learn how to love and y'all it changes everything to see situations this way. Thank you Lord for serving me some humble pie followed up by a huge slice of grace cake.