Confession time

So for Christmas this year my Mom got me a devo book because she is awesome and she knows me. It's called God Girl and I started it today. It's a year long journey that I have committed to. Now day one's devo was about confession and let me tell you I sort of rolled my eyes at this at first. I mean Catholics do confession not this Southern Baptist girl but, as I continued to read I realized confession is something this girl really needed to do right now. I'm afraid. I'm afraid and I have began to let this fear control me. I have let this fear turn a beautiful God given calling into something twisted and seemingly unreachable for me. I have been praying like I trust God but worrying like I don't (thank you Jacob for that). So tonight I confessed to God that I am just plain old scared to do what he has asked me to do. The task seems too big and I seem way too small. Well this brought me back to that passage in Exodus when Moses is telling God that he cannot tell the Egyptians about God because he is not an eloquent speaker but God's reply sends chills down my spine. He tells Moses in Exodus 4:12 "Now go; I will help you speak and teach you what to say." That's so true for us today. Maybe you're not struggling with speaking to people like Moses but, this passage reminds us that if we are doing God's will and living out his plans he isn't just going to abandon us. He wants us to be successful and lets face it, we just can't do that without him. So yeah I am too small to conquer the big tasks ahead of me but, God is bigger than anything I can possibly be faced with and knowing I am in God's will I am flooded with the relief that my Abba won't leave me and that he will conquer all. And that my friends gives me the strength to do what I can't and the courage to face my fears.

Attitude...

Attitude..it's something that as a teenager I struggle with a lot. My mom is constantly telling me to check my attitude but, what I never realized is that attitude greatly effects my relationship with God but, these last few days, I've come to notice that it really does. I have been struggling in some of my earthly relationships and I have just had a really negative, unchristlike attitude and I kind of took it out on God. In the midst of those struggles I began to feel like God had left me to deal with it all alone and instead of trusting in Him and what His word says, I began to have a really negative attitude towards Him and got really angry that He would leave me and got totally freaked out all because some "feeling" was no longer there. I lost the "feeling" because of my negative attitude. I had decided that everyone had abandoned me including God and refused to feel His presence. James 4:8 says "Come near to God and he will come near to you." That's one of my favorite verses because it reminds me that all I have to do is come to Him and He is there but, my negative attitude blocked that out and I lost sight of it. It's crazy to me that I let some fights with friends erase 18 years worth of my relationship with Abba. Paul is one of my favorite Bible heroes. He endured so much pain and suffering yet, he never complained or had a bad attitude about it. He just took what came and praised God. In Philippians 2:5 Paul writes "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus". He definantly walked that out, so what about us? Well clearly I need to work on my Christ like attitude and I definantly will be. What about you? Praise God today for all He has blessed you with. That's an easy way to remember that He loves you and never leaves you, and that will surely help get your attitude back on track:)

Needs

So I work in a Kindergarten class a couple of days a week and it's the most fun ever. If you haven't been around kids much, let me just tell you kindergarten is a really fun age. They're so funny and everything is new to them. Well this week in kindergarten we discussed wants and needs. This concept was not easy for them to grasp. You try convincing a five year old that a spider man castle is not completly neccessary! It's not easy but, when I thought about it I realized that even as teenagers and adults we often confuse the two but, I'm not here to tell you this world is materialistic. As true as that is I simply cannot preach to you on an area I struggle so much with. But here is where I'm going with this, tonight my youth group went caroling and I had so much fun and spent time with my awesome friends and when I got home I was reflecting on all this and listening to "Healing is in Your Hands" by Christy Nockels, and I became overwhelmed by my NEED to spend intimate, alone time with my Abba. As tears poured down my face I pulled out my prayer journal and just poured out my heart to my Father in heaven who just wanted to listen and surrond me and hold me up. I spend a lot of time with my Abba but, sometimes it's just out of routine or the fact that I feel like I have to but, tonight I NEEDED him to the point that my heart and soul ached for him and tears flooded the pages of my journal. We should want to spend time with God but, in reality it is a need. Just like the song says healing really is in his hands. He really really loves us and it was in those soul aching moments spent in prayer with him that I became overwhelmed all over again by him. I need him, I want him too but, I actually need him. Without him my heart aches. We all need to realize just how much we need him. He is wonderful and loving and beautiful. Don't let your need for him in your life go without being met:)

Thankful

So I'm sitting in my house this lovely night before thanksgiving and I'm surrounded by family I haven't seen in years and the sounds of sleepy babies and little girls playing fairies and I'm just overwhelmed at how completley blessed beyond belief I am. I'm also overwhelmed by the fact that all this blessing came from God. God who gave his son on the cross so that I can live again with him forever also gave me all of these things. I am just so undeserving but also thankful! I know its majorly cliche for me to reflect on this at thanksgiving but come on, I just can't help it. As I type this my heart is swelling with God's love. His love that gave me the sweet little baby cousins who have been smiling at me all day, and that gave me my mom who has been diligently working in the kitchen all day, and the family that encourages me in my walk with Christ constantly. It's just so awesome! I don't deserve any of this, in all actuality I deserve a far worse fate that involves a never ending thirst and burning heat and a whole other surplus of rather unplesant things but instead I get all this joy on earth AND heaven with my Abba. All I can say is it's crazy! I don't understand God's love at all but, I'll take it and praise him for it. What are you thankful for this thanksgiving? Take a minute and thank God for all you've been blessed with. If nothing else thank him for his love:) Happy Thanksgiving.

No more funk:)

Okay so if you read my blog fairly regularly you know that I get stuck in yucky moods that I like to call funks quite often. It's pretty terrible and I can stay in them for days and it really is frustrating. Well I began my week with a terrible Monday in which supposed friends were rude to me and really hurt my feelings and I couldn't shake me upset feeling and I began to just feel beaten up. Well I shared this with my good friend today and he gave me some insight that changed my view on my funks completley. He told me that my funks are just satan trying to attack me because I'm growing and that the attacks will continue until I show satan that I am strong in my God and that he can't get me down and I am going to have joy in everything. Now maybe I should have realized this earlier but, I'm telling you this realization made my day! It's so cool to think that if I have joy instead of letting my funks get me down then I will no longer have these moods! It's just so awesome! He also shared with me the verse Hebrews 11:6 which says "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that he exists and he rewards those who earnestly seek Him." I know that I'm not being faithful when I'm stuck in my funks, instead I'm turning from God and letting satan win which clearly does not please God. From now on I am going to earnestly seek God which means being joyful no matter what satan throws at me:) If you struggle like I do then I encourage you to do the same thing.

The Power of Prayer

Prayer. I talk about it a lot and I most certainly do it a lot. Occasionally it's because I feel like it's my job as a Christian but that kind of prayer is mundane and does no good for my heart or my relationship with God. What I'm talking about is real prayer where I pour my heart out to God and he listens. Colossians 4:2 says "Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful." The word that most catches my attention there is devote. Devote means to apply or dedicate oneself to some pursuit or cause. How often do we actually devote ourselves to prayer? Have we dedicated ourselves to it? I know personally my answer to that would most of the time have to be no but, how cool would it be if we all actually did devote ourselves to prayer? Prayer is powerful! I have first hand experience with how powerful it really is and guys it's truly awesome to watch God work in situations of turned over to him in prayer. But lets not just be prayerful, lets pray powerful prayers! Lets devote ourselves to praying the types of prayers we as christians so often avoid because we are afraid God really will answer them. It's time to stop holding so tightly onto this world and our lives here and just give ourselves over to God. Prayer is the best way I've found to do that and powerful prayer is what has led me to the place I'm in today. God wants to hear from us. That fact alone astounds me but, the fact that he wants to work in our lives is the part that's really impressive. Why not let him?

Joy:)

Alright so I've spent sometime thinking about God's will and praying today and while yes I could go on and on about why those two things are so challenging I don't feel led to do that right now(maybe later). Something else I've thought about today is how often I experience spritual highs and lows and how my lows almost always lead me farther and farther away from God. I hate that fact and it makes me feel extremely guilty and angry at myself. Now here is the really cool thing, God always welcomes me back! He really does! He never pushes me away or makes me feel bad, he simply opens his arms and pulls me to him and holds on tight. God really loves you, like a lot! It's demonstrated for us in Luke chapter 15 verses 11-32. It's the parable of the lost son and I've talked about these verses before but the love demostrated by the father to the son really gets me because that's how my heavenly father feels about me. When the father says "But we have to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; He was lost and is found." The fact that this is how God feels when we come crawling back to him excites me! He doesn't get mad, or disappointed he simply gets excited and showers me with his love! He feels me up with the greatest joy I've ever known! I want to let his joy radiate through me because it feels me up to the point that I am overflowing and it's awesome! I challenge you to get back to God and let him feel you up with his love and have his joy feel you up:)