James 1:19 says "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry". When I read this I kinda laughed out loud at myself because I am so not any of these things. Lets start with quick to listen. Several times this week I have ignored someone and got mad at someone because I misunderstood them. That's the opposite of quick to listen and that is really unChristlike behavior. So lets move on to slow to speak. Well I fail at this one constantly. I just like to talk and a lot of the time I say hurtful and rude things just because I simply do not take the time to think about things before I say them and sometimes I just like to be sassy. Now I think I have failed miserably at those first two but, when I get to slow to become angry well, lets just say I really need improvement in this area. I get called mean a lot these days just because I have a short fuse and when I get annoyed I go off and well that's just really unChristlike. Also when my feelings are hurt I become angry and I can stay that way for a while. Clearly I still have a long way to go in this striving to become more Christlike. I think about the changes I'm going to have to make and none of it actually seems unreasonable. Yes I will have to shut my mouth and just listen and next time my family is annoying me I will have to take a deep breath and push my anger away but, those are things I should be doing anyway. Not just because I want to be Christlike but, because I simply want to be a good friend, daughter and sister.

Obedience

Obedience..it's been a theme in my life these last few days. I really want to be obediant to God but to be honest, I didn't really know how so, I looked up the definition of Obedience and it literally means "Dutiful or submissive compliance". Not exactly what I thought it meant but, perhaps that's because a lot of the time I think of obedience as an option when it's so clearly not. We are supposed to obey God all the time, not just when it's convenient for us or when it comes easily. This week God has revealed the me the obedience in the story of Abraham being tested in Genesis 22. If you haven't read it for yourself I recommend it but, the basically the story is that God calls to Abraham and tells him to go up on some mountain and sacrifice his only son Isaac and Abraham just packs up his stuff and goes! Verses 9-10 say "When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an alter there and arranged the wood on it. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son." Awesome picture right? Now if you know the story you know that because of Abraham's faithfulness to God, God didn't make him go through with the sacrifice of his son but, the obedience of Abraham here is really what's beautiful to me. God said, kill your only son and Abraham loaded up his donkey and left. He didn't say "Hey God, look I really love Isaac and my wife is kinda old and I just would rather not" he just went and got as far as having the knife in his hand! He was so obedient and had God not called out to him I feel sure he would have killed his son. That is the kind of obedient I want to be but, instead of me just doing what God asks I often refuse to do the most simple tasks all because they aren't really what I want to do right then but, the fact of the matter is obedience is not an option! Just as Abraham demonstrated, we must be obedient no matter what God tells us to do.

Fan the Flames

Tonight in my devo time I read 2 Timothy (Thank you very much my darling Kevin). It was my first time really reading it and all I can say is wow! I'm just floored at the way God can communicate with me through His word. I was moved by a lot of scripture in this book of the Bible but, there is a particular verse that I have been hearing about quite a bit lately and it's just so awesome. It's 2 Timothy 1:6 and it says "For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying of my hands." Okay so lets jump into this. This is Paul talking to the young Timothy in his last letter written before he was executed. Just look at what he tells him here "fan into flames the gift of God". I'll admit I wasn't quite sure all that ment so I looked it up and found out that Paul was telling Timothy not to let his fire for God die out and to be filled with the fire of the Holy Spirit. How cool is that? I just love all that means. How often do we forget that our salvation and God's love is a gift? I know it's not something I always remember and I know its not something I let set me on fire but, it totally should. If we all fanned into flame our gift of God and really let ourselves be on fire how much better would our lives be? No longer would we be ashamed to tell people of God's gift but, instead we would not be able to stop ourselves from letting the Holy Spirit shine through us and proclaiming the name of God everywhere we went. That vision inspires me. I want to fan the flames of God's gift and not spend one more minute worrying about the world but, just let God's love and fire flow through me.

Not worthy yet

I'm very very human...good thing to know huh? Sure am glad I'm not some sort of alien or robot right? But all sarcasm aside, I am human and as a human I am all about myself. I get consumed in jealousy,relationships,friends,bad attitudes, and all sorts of other worldly behaviors and I'm sad to say I often let these things distract me from my relationship with Abba. It's been a terrible battle in me these lats few days. I just keep getting in my own way. Every time I start to grow in Him I have a lustful thought or jealous reaction and I just bring myself down. It's an absolutley insane pattern that has had me spinning. The even crazier part is that even when I get distracted my God pulls me back to Him and speaks to me. He inspires me in His word daily. I've had awesome devo times and really great times of worship. God is moving in me like never before and the crazy part is I'm distracted a lot of the time...I just imagine what He would do if I stopped letting the world in and gave my all to Him. Well I'm not going to just imagine it anymore. I want to walk it out. Philippians 1:27 says"Whatever happens, conduct yourself in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ." I have not been doing that but, I'm going to try my hardest from now on. I don't want any space between my and Abba therefore I will no longer be letting the world get in the way. This way I can do my best to be worthy of the gospel.

Who knows you?

I have very few friends. I know that's a weird way to start a post and I know myabe that makes me sound like a loser but, what I mean is I have a lot of aquaintances but, I have very few true friends. This is because I have a really hard time letting people in. I push people away the second things start to get too personal for me. I guess I'm afraid to let people care and my few true friends are those who don't let me push them away. They're the people that put up with the crazy that is me and actually take the time to love me, and trust me this task is not easy, and I will love these people always. They are true gifts from God that I do not deserve at all. Here is something else I don't deserve, my friend Abba. He is the greatest friend I could ever ask for because while I have the greatest friends on the planet, they are human and they let me down occasionally but, not my God. He knows me better than anyone. He knows when I feel lonely and he pulls me to him harder. He knows how many tears I've cried, he knows every hair on my head, the number of times I've laughed or smiled. He knows all these crazy things about me and that blows my mind. It's one thing to call him my Savior but it's another thing all together to call him my Friend but, that's what he is. If that doesn't blow your mind think about this, the creator of the world, the God who gives you every breath, the only one who controls life, He KNOWS you! He knows every thought you've ever had and every word you've ever said. I dare you to find one human who knows those things about you. Even your parents who, as much as we hate to admit it, probably know you best,even they aren't going to be able to tell you everything you've ever said. So why not let him in? I struggle with pushing Him away on a regular basis but, I cannot deny that it brings me the greatest joy to know that my Abba knows me, and even after that He still loves me! My mind is blown guys. Honestly it makes me want to know Him more. I want to know all I can about Him. He knows me, it only seems fair:)

Who can we tell?

I'm a senior in high school with one semester left before graduation, that means I am constantly thinking about the next phase in my life and what will become of me after I leave home and this comfortable little life here in south Georgia. But in looking towards the future I am also forced to look back on my life, especially the time in which I entered high school. To say I am a completley different person now would be an understatement but, instead of focusing on myself, I am forced to look at those faces in the hallway who I have let just pass by me for four years. I have to think back to all those students who were desperate for something to believe in but, I was too afraid and confused to let them in on the beautiful Abba I had discovered. I will never stop regretting the fact that my chance to share with some of them is forever lost. I will never stop being heartbroken over the fact that some of them will spend eternity in Hell and it's my fault. But the shining light in all this regret is that I haven't left yet. I am still here and I still have a chance to keep my friends from facing the despair that is an eternity away from God. Now don't get me wrong, I know there are opportunities I may never get back and people who I will never see again but, there are people I call friends who are still lost and I refuse to leave without giving my all to change that. Now I know myself. I know how difficult this is going to be. I will have to fight the cowardly, wordly part of myself every step of the way but, I want to do this. I want to step out of faith and know that my God will give me opportunities and the words to say. It's our jobs as Christians to tell of the good news and the best place to start is at home and in our schools. Maybe we will be persecuted, in fact the Bible pretty much garantees we will but hey Jesus was persecuted and killed and as Christians we are strinving to be like him right?

New Year...

Happy New Year! It's weird I didn't really realize it was the year 2011 until I went to write it in my prayer journal tonight. I mean I stayed up for it last night, watched the ball drop, told lots of people happy new year but, something about writing it on the top of my page really opened my eyes and got me reflecting on my past year. The year 2010 was full of mistakes, tears, drama, fighting and a lot of other not so pleasant things but, somewhere in there I also experienced falling in love with my Savior, friendships like I never thought I could have, mission trips that changed my life, God's calling, really I could go on for quite sometime but, I won't. What I'm trying to say is as stressful and painful as 2010 felt a lot of the time the fact of the matter is that God has been really really good to me this year and I'm just so overwhelmed. As I look toward what 2011 will hold, with graduating and going to college and just sort of growing up, I know that as scary as that seems now and as hard as it will be at times I know that my Abba will be with me and that makes me excited to welcome this new year:)