How deep the Father's Love

Well it has been a while since I've been on here. It's kind of crazy to think back to where I was in life last time I blogged. Since then I have started studying Missions at Truett McConnell College. It is so amazing how satisfied you can be when you know you are following the Will of God. He has grown me so much in my first semester here and for that I will never be able to praise Him enough.

Lately I have been meditating on God's love for us. It's rather typical of me since it is the holiday season, but God has been showing me a lot in this. Today He opened my eyes to the fact that the birth of Jesus started it all. Obviously this is not the first time I have realized this. In my 19 years in Sunday school I'm sure some teacher shared this with me, but today God opened my eyes to the realness of it. When God sent us Jesus to be born in the manger he already knew what His own son would experience. He was already broken by the pain and suffering He would cast down on His very own flesh. The beautiful part is that He sent us Jesus anyway. In fact He sent Him for this very purpose. I'm even more blown away when I realize why...for me! For this broken, sinful, disobedient child who from the very beginning was doomed. This helpless lost soul that Abba decided to claim as His. He sent His perfect son for me. I'm overwhelmed by that. Even more overwhelming is that God knew He was sending Jesus for me. He knew the brokenness that I would cause every time I decided to turn of Him and take my own path. He knew every hateful thought and mean word that would come from me. He knew and He sent Jesus anyway. If I can't find my joy in that well I just don't know where I possibly could find joy. Jesus is not only the reason for the season, but He is the reason for everything! What a Savior! What Love! His love is deep and wide. It is overwhelming and unfathomable. In His love I find strength and hope. I find peace and rest, and most of all I find acceptance and joy. In His deep love is where I'm resting these days. In my stress and daily failure I find rest in the arms of the Father and his Redeeming Love. And it all began with that tiny baby in the manger.

While they were there. the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her first born, a son. She wrappend him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them. Luke 2:6-7

Easter Post

We're about ten minutes from it officially being Easter Sunday. I love Easter! Jesus rose from the grave on Easter! Maybe you didn't get that but Our Savior BEAT DEATH on Easter! How could I not be excited? This last hour though Satan has tried to ruin it for me. He has used those closest to me to produce a selfish attitude in my house. It hasn't been pleasent and honestly I sorta began to just wish Easter was over already. I know that's stupid but, for a moment I got annoyed because my family didn't seem to get that Easter isn't about them and their comfort and it seemed like I was the only one who was really concerned about it. So I went to my room and attempted a quiet time. I've been reading the end of John and tonight I read the end of chapter 21 where Jesus tells Simon Peter to feed His lambs and shepherd His sheep and I realized that I can't focus on what my family is doing and I can't get upset and hurry an important day by. Jesus rose from the grave on Easter. That aught to be celebrated but, even more so, that aught to be told to those who don't know. We need to feed the lambs and shephard the sheep. We need Easter. It is everything our beliefs are centered around and we need it to remind us that we have a job and that job is to tell the world what happened on this very important day. Our God is not dead, He beat death and is living and active! The lost deserve to know that truth. Happy Easter everyone.

Panama

So it's been a while since I've felt led to blog but, I'm getting ready to leave on a mission trip to Panama City, Panama and I just really felt led to write again. So tonight I was doing my devo out of the book of Philippians chapter 4 which in verse 8 says

"Summing it all up, my friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious-the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse."

This was just what I needed to hear before leving to go on mission. A lot of the time I make my mission trips about me and my comfort and my well being and when things don't go the way I want them to I tend to focus on that and loose sight of why I'm really there in the first place. I love this reminder to focus on the good things, like the fact that I'm gonna get to see 800 kids and share the gospel with them or the fact that I even have the opportunity to be there in the first place. God has blessed me beyond belief and It's my goal to focus on His gracious blessings my entire trip and be open to Him. Please be in prayer for our team:)

What am I holding onto?

It's been a while. I guess I just havent felt inspired to write but, tonight I feel like I should. I was sitting in my room tonight, thinking about how I miss my friends. I haven't seen much of them lately, we've all been busy, and I was hoping to talk to one of them tonight and it didn't happen and I was sad. As I set there sad trying to focus on a quiet time with Abba, I just kept thinking to the story of the rich young ruler. We all know the story, The rich young ruler asks Jesus what it takes to follow him and Jesus tells him to go sell everything he owned and he became sad because he was a wealthy man and he valued that more than following Christ. When I think about this story I always think that there is no worldly possesion I own that I wouldn't give up to follow Christ. I don't have huge amounts of stuff but, I'm quite blessed and still there is no posession that I wouln't give up to follow Him. Tonight though, I was smacked in the face with the fact that I hold so tightly to my friendships and if God asked me to give them up, I honestly don't know what I would do. Matthew 19:22 says:

"When the young man heard this, he went away sad because he had great wealth."

I don't want that to be my story. I don't want to go away sad. God has blessed me with a wealth of great friends who love Him and follow Him but, if any of them are going to keep me out of heaven then I want to be done with them. It's not fair to God and all He's done for me to focus on my friends and hold onto them when all I really need to hold onto is my Abba.

Abba, Show me how to love you first and greatest. I want to make you my all. Everything else I have, including my friendships, are nothing compared to having you. Remind me of that daily Abba so that I don't walk away from you sad. Be my only joy Abba. I want to love and follow you with everything I am forever.

The God of the Skies

Today on the way home from school I was riding with the windows down and my sunglasses on. I was feeling the beautiful sun on my face and the wind in my hair. It was great. It's days like this that I am reminded that my God is so real! When I look at the blue of the sky and feel the sun well, I just feel so close to God. He is surrounding me always and I can just feel it on days like today. Psalms 33:13-15 says:

"From high in the skies God looks around, he sees all Adam's brood. From where
he sits he overlooks all us earth-dwellers. He has shaped each person in turn;
now he watches everything we do."

It's such a beautiful picture to me. God sitting up there pouring sunshine down on me watching me live my life. I know He isn't always pleased with what He sees but, He continues to love me and give me days like today to feel close to Him and marvel at all He has created and just how big and real He is!

Thank you my Abba, thank you so much for pouring out your blessings on me. Thank you for the sunshine and the skies. Thank you for allowing each breath I take and the air you fill my lungs up with. I don't deserve your blessings but, I am so thankful you don't give me what I deserve. I love you with all that I am.

Conflict

I hate conflict. I really really hate it. While yes, I love to be sassy and I can play fight for hours, I hate real, honest conflict. I would rather people just like me all the time. This is a real weakness of mine because when I know I'm on the verge of some really unpleasant conflict with someone I completely shut down and fall apart. I am scared to upset people and I hate getting upset myself. Plus conflict can really bring out the worst in me. Well right now I'm on the verge of some serious conflict with someone I care about a lot. I'm afraid that after we talk, we won't be friends anymore and that scares me. I'm praying really hard that my big, strong, mighty God will be all in it. I want His will to be done not mine. I'm also finding some really good comfort in Hebrews 13:6 which says "So we say with confidence, The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can human beings do to me?". It's a great realization. I don't have to be afraid because my Abba will not leave me. While yes, it will probably still be a difficult talk and I don't want to lose a good friend and mentor, I know my Abba has me. Even if it hurts, I can say with confidence The Lord is my helper. He is in me and He will deal with the conflict because while I cannot handle it, My God can and why would I try to handle anything without Him?

James 4

So I've sort of been avoiding this blog lately. I keep trying to think of something to write but, I've just been struggling. I have been so personal with God lately and it has been a really good thing but, it's also been really intense and I haven't really been able to talk about it. I can't even appropriately express it to my best friends which is weird because I can usually tell them everything. I'm not ready to let the blogisphere in on this stuff yet either I just didn't want to avoid my blog any longer. So I just want to share what I've been reading in the bible lately. I have recently aquired a copy of The Message Bible and I love it! I can just understand it better. And in it I have been reading James Chapter 4. I love the book of James. I have read it more times than any other book but, recently chapter 4 has been haunting me. So I recommend you read it and if you don't have a copy of The Message I recommend you look it up because it's really good stuff people:)