The God of the Skies

Today on the way home from school I was riding with the windows down and my sunglasses on. I was feeling the beautiful sun on my face and the wind in my hair. It was great. It's days like this that I am reminded that my God is so real! When I look at the blue of the sky and feel the sun well, I just feel so close to God. He is surrounding me always and I can just feel it on days like today. Psalms 33:13-15 says:

"From high in the skies God looks around, he sees all Adam's brood. From where
he sits he overlooks all us earth-dwellers. He has shaped each person in turn;
now he watches everything we do."

It's such a beautiful picture to me. God sitting up there pouring sunshine down on me watching me live my life. I know He isn't always pleased with what He sees but, He continues to love me and give me days like today to feel close to Him and marvel at all He has created and just how big and real He is!

Thank you my Abba, thank you so much for pouring out your blessings on me. Thank you for the sunshine and the skies. Thank you for allowing each breath I take and the air you fill my lungs up with. I don't deserve your blessings but, I am so thankful you don't give me what I deserve. I love you with all that I am.

Conflict

I hate conflict. I really really hate it. While yes, I love to be sassy and I can play fight for hours, I hate real, honest conflict. I would rather people just like me all the time. This is a real weakness of mine because when I know I'm on the verge of some really unpleasant conflict with someone I completely shut down and fall apart. I am scared to upset people and I hate getting upset myself. Plus conflict can really bring out the worst in me. Well right now I'm on the verge of some serious conflict with someone I care about a lot. I'm afraid that after we talk, we won't be friends anymore and that scares me. I'm praying really hard that my big, strong, mighty God will be all in it. I want His will to be done not mine. I'm also finding some really good comfort in Hebrews 13:6 which says "So we say with confidence, The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can human beings do to me?". It's a great realization. I don't have to be afraid because my Abba will not leave me. While yes, it will probably still be a difficult talk and I don't want to lose a good friend and mentor, I know my Abba has me. Even if it hurts, I can say with confidence The Lord is my helper. He is in me and He will deal with the conflict because while I cannot handle it, My God can and why would I try to handle anything without Him?

James 4

So I've sort of been avoiding this blog lately. I keep trying to think of something to write but, I've just been struggling. I have been so personal with God lately and it has been a really good thing but, it's also been really intense and I haven't really been able to talk about it. I can't even appropriately express it to my best friends which is weird because I can usually tell them everything. I'm not ready to let the blogisphere in on this stuff yet either I just didn't want to avoid my blog any longer. So I just want to share what I've been reading in the bible lately. I have recently aquired a copy of The Message Bible and I love it! I can just understand it better. And in it I have been reading James Chapter 4. I love the book of James. I have read it more times than any other book but, recently chapter 4 has been haunting me. So I recommend you read it and if you don't have a copy of The Message I recommend you look it up because it's really good stuff people:)

Love

As a teenage girl I often dream about falling in love. Not the kind of "love" I find everyday in my highschool. I have no desire to have just any relationship with just any guy and broadcast it in the hallways. What I want is real love with the one God has prepared for me. Honestly I cannot wait to find my future husband and I pray for him a lot. I already love him and I have no idea who he is. It's crazy that some guy I don't even know can make my heart do flip flops. Well lately I have been reminded just how much God loves me. So why don't I get butterflies when I think about Him? 1 John 4:8 says"Whoever does not love does not know God because God IS love." God is love...If God is love, if he is the very definition of the thing that I most desire and I'm not falling madly in love with Him then something must be off. I want love so badly and here is my God, who loves me more than I can fathom. He saved my from Hell, He blesses me daily, He has given me so much yet I forget to love Him. It's crazy! I get so caught up in my own fairy tale fantasy that I completely lose sight of the love I have in my Abba. So I asked God to show me how to fall in love with Him. I don't really know where this is going to lead me but, I pray that in the end I will have a passion for God and I will love Him first. I still want to find my future husband but, I want to love God first and when I find that special guy the love I have left will be all his but, I want it to be a fraction of the love I have to give my Abba.

His Plans

If you know me at all you know that I can be a bit of a control freak. I hate feeling out of control. To keep from feeling this way I have become a planner. I plan everything out. I hate "going with the flow". Just ask my close friends and I'm sure they will tell you just how true that is. I have to remain in control. This is perhaps why cannot stop trying to plan my future. High school is almost done for me and so naturally next comes college. I know what school I will be attending but, my knowledge about my future pretty much ends there. Now obviously I know I have been called into missions but, I don't know how that's going to happen. I constantly sit around trying to figure these things out but, this week God has reminded me over and over that He has a plan and because His plan is perfect, I don't need my own plan. This is a hard concept for me because while I trust God with my everything, I HATE not knowing what's going to happen. I have been reading in Ephesians this week and in Chapter 1 verses 9-10 Paul says "He thought of everything, provided for everything we could possibly need, letting us in on the plans he took such delight in making. He set it all out before us in Christ, a long-range plan in which everything would be brought together and summed up in him, everything in deepest heaven, everything on planet earth." My plans don't matter because I have given my life to God. He makes the plans. They are made, not to make me happy or feel secure but, to bring Him glory and to make His name known to the nations. It's not about me and what I plan. My need for control doesn't matter because I'm not supposed to be in control. I'm too human. My all knowing, perfect, fair, loving Abba has my life in His hands. So while yes, I am still apprehensive to live a "go with the flow" life style, I have peace knowing that my God has a plan and it's way better than I can even imagine.